Eat From The Same Bowl

There’s something special about sharing a meal with someone. We all know this applies in business as well as with friends and family. But did you ever really think about the benefits of breaking bread with a business prospect? Sitting across the desk from someone for an hour, or even facing each other on a comfortable couch discussing business does not develop the same relationship as spending the same hour having the discussion over lunch.

Same topic, same amount of time, same discussion. Different result. There’s just something about combining speaking and sharing ideas and stories with dining that leads to a better understanding of each other.

Surely you’ve experienced this phenomenon. You’ve spent a morning in intense discussions that were leading nowhere. Then you move on to a restaurant for lunch. Food is ordered and lunch arrives. Suddenly, as you begin to eat, the negotiations are moving along quite nicely. Or maybe you didn’t go out, but had food ordered in. Same effect. A breakthrough is achieved that pleases both parties and results in a win/win situation, smoothing the path to securing a new customer or partner.

Kaitlin Woolley and Ayelet Fishbach of the Booth School of Business, University of Chicago, are on to this phenomenon that breaking bread together smooths the path to winning friends and influencing people. And good things result.

Their interest in this led to research published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology, “A Recipe for Friendships: Similar Food Consumption Promotes Trust and Cooperation”.

Not only did they validate our feelings about the power of sharing a meal, they discovered that the closer you get to eating the same thing, the more powerful the impact.

Sharing a meal builds some trust. Ordering the same thing builds a stronger connection. And sharing from the same serving bowl…creates an even stronger bond. Eating from the same bowl is most powerful of all.

On my trips to Africa I sometimes wind up eating in a traditional way, from big serving bowls from which you eat by scooping food up with your fingers…right next to the fingers of everyone else. I dive right in with all the locals while noticing that others from places where people would never think of eating this way hold back. After the meal the hosts always exhibit greater comfort with me than with those squeamish about joining in.

For most of you reading this missive, most business meals do not involve sitting on the ground and using your fingers as utensils. And it’s not necessary for a vegetarian to order a steak just because your prospect is a carnivore. Find something on the menu you can share. If even this proves difficult, ask about the other person’s meal. Get them to share a few thoughts on what they like and express how it connects to something you like. Work hard at bonding over the feelings of good food even if you aren’t digging in with your fingers. And notice how much better the negotiations begin to go.