Connect
People forget what you said,
People forget what you did,
People remember how you made them feel.
Maya Angelou
In extensive travels around the United States and internationally, I meet a lot of people. People of all types, from all walks of life, from many different countries and cultures. Early on I realized that everyone knows something I…and you…don’t know. Everyone has something to teach you.
Many people don’t seem to understand this. They forge a few strong connections with those in their own social or work circles, but make no effort at all to connect with the myriad people they run across in their daily activities. The serving staff and bartenders at events, the desk people and cleaning crew at hotels, the flight attendants, dry cleaners, shop owners.
Since I run a business advising CEOs, business owners, and family enterprises, and also sit on several boards, I’m always trying to grow my knowledge about how different businesses really operate, from the ground up. I’ve found no better way to do this than to listen, just listen…to everyone.
I’m often asked how I connect so well with such disparate people and wind up hearing the incredible and sincere stories they share with me about their work lives. Stories that inspire me, enlighten me, and add to my knowledge about how organizations work and how they can work better. Stories that express how people really feel about their work and the companies they work for. Stories filled with insights that have been bottled up because no one took the time to listen.
How I’m asked, do I connect with them, not just at a superficial level to order another drink or complain about something I’m unhappy about, but at a deep level where they open up and trust me with thoughts they normally keep to themselves.
The answer can be found between the lines of this Maya Angelou quote. People open up to me, and they’ll open up to you, based on how you make them feel. Do you treat them like a piece of furniture, or show them that you respect them and are genuinely interested in what they have to say?
Years ago I discovered an interesting thing. All it takes to connect with people is to listen to them. Really listen. Listen not only with your ears but also with your full body and mind. Be totally with them in the moment and focused only on them.
Ask a simple question or two to get them talking and then let their words soak into you while your mouth is still. Perhaps offer an encouraging comment here and there or a similar example from your life, but otherwise…just listen. Let them share their story at their own pace, in their own words. It’s what we all want, to feel that we’re being truly listened to.
The most amazing thing about spending ten or fifteen minutes totally focused on listening to someone is that they’ll remember you and your unexpected kindness. They’ll remember how you made them feel. You might even make their day.
And what about you? When you enter the world of someone so unlike you, you’ll come away with new ideas and ways of looking at the world around you. Who knows where this may lead you?
As Maya Angelou says, people remember how you made them feel. Leave them feeling great.