Conflict…Blood or Solutions?
There they were. Two managers glaring at each other. Teeth clenched. Hands tightened into fists. Barely breathing. Exchanging noxious words of personal attack.
The issue? Whose people were more responsible for a very angry major client threatening to pull all her business due to late delivery and poor performance.
I and several other people watched in stunned silence as the fight escalated. We made a few attempts to calm them down and address what could be done to fix things and keep the client, to no avail. Accusations kept flying. We backed off—for our own safety. In what seemed like hours but was actually only a few more minutes, the warring parties stalked off in opposite directions leaving lots of blame but no solution in their wake.
You’ve seen this scenario before. Perhaps you’ve even been one of the participants. It happens all the time to a greater or lesser extent: conflict that ends with no resolution but leaves a toxic atmosphere of bitterness and rage.
The issue that led to the fight becomes even more problematic.
Shortly after witnessing this battle, I participated in a raucous board committee meeting, in which we met with our newly hired branding consultants to kick off a project. Varied and often wildly divergent opinions were passionately expressed. Voices rose and disputes ensued.
Our excellent consultants encouraged the debate. They asked provocative questions to keep it going then stood back to let it flow.
And yet, no clenched fists and no one stopped breathing. Not a single personal attack. Conflict? You bet. Anger and a poisoned atmosphere? Not a trace.
After two hours of heated back and forth discussion with nary a break, we ended the meeting with smiles, handshakes and jokes about how we’d worked hard to make the consultant’s job more difficult. All of us, clients and consultants, left feeling excited and energized about what was to come and looking forward to working together to address our branding issue.
Two faces of conflict. One that leaves the participants angry, resentful, and on the verge of passing out due to that held breath. Conflict that intensifies the problem that started the argument. The other, conflict that results in camaraderie, satisfaction and fresh ideas to not only remedy a problem but to achieve even better results.
You have a choice. When a situation appears where disagreement occurs—and it will, it always does, in all walks of life—you can stand your ground, throw some fists, and leave bloodied. Or you can reach out to those with differing opinions, have an energetic and excited but without personal attacks discussion, and come to a successful solution together.
The choice is yours. Begin by making it personal and end in worse shape or keep the focus on the issue and solve the problem.