Talk…or Communicate
Just about everyone knows how to talk. Far fewer know how to communicate. All too many of our leaders have this problem: great talkers…not so good communicators. The ability to not only talk but also communicate is such an unusual trait that one of the highest accolades earned by President Reagan was that he was “The Great Communicator.”
Talking is not communicating. Talking is using words to convey messages or feelings. Communicating, on the other hand, is using words, emotions, and gestures in such a way that the listener can fully understand what the words mean at a surface level while internalizing the underlying message you’re expressing.
Communicating effectively is hard to do. All too often words flow out of our mouths without any awareness of what we’re saying and little consideration of the words’ impact. The words go forth but the message is left behind. How often have you given someone what you considered a clear directive to prepare a brief report on something and they proudly presented you with a 200 page document instead?
Effective communication requires you to be in the moment. Great communicators pay complete attention to the words they’re speaking while continually observing and calibrating the response they’re receiving. They’re conscious at every moment of their thoughts and feelings and are clear about what they’re trying to express and the way they want it perceived. They’re not multitasking – not texting, looking around for someone more interesting, or thinking about dinner – while speaking. Being in the moment and observing closely allows them to adjust their message and weave new words and ideas into their communication as they notice the impact their words are having.
Effective communication requires suspending judgement and listening with an open mind to the words you hear in response to your own.
Effective communication allows you to stay true to your message while being flexible in how you express it as you hear, respect, and even consider ideas you disagree with. Having strong beliefs and living by them does not mean shutting out everything that is at odds with your thinking. Our thinking and our words must evolve as we meet new people with different ideas and gather more information, and as the conditions around us change.
Effective communication is, most importantly, accepting responsibility. It’s your job to make sure you’re making yourself clear, not the listener’s responsibility to figure out what you’re trying to say. As John Grinder, co-founder of NLP, once said to me, “communication is the response you get.”